opposites do not attract
For those of us with depression, opposites do not attract.
We are not drawn to happy, upbeat, positive people and they are not drawn to us. In fact, we repel those who dare crack a smile at us. Occasionally a happy person tries to help us but inevitably we push them away. I don blame them. I wouldn want to hang around someone with depression. I don even want to hang around myself when I depressed.
In fact, happy, upbeat people are really annoying when you have depression. you see how much pain I am in? Don you realize that I have no interest in you? Would you please just get your happy ass out of here? years of therapy, sobriety and watching Forrest Gump a few dozen times has taught me that just as is as stupid does is as happy does. In other words, happiness is not going to come knock me upside the head. I have to do the work. I have to seek it out and that means seeking out people who have the kind of happiness I want.
The first step on this journey is find adidas flux ing out who and what makes you happy. For example, a Birkin bag would not make me happy. Ergo, hanging out with people who derive their happiness from acquiring things like Birkin bags are probably not the kind of people with whom I am going to find happiness.
I not saying there is anything wrong with Birkin bags. I just saying that for me to expect to find true happiness among people whose passion is acquiring things like Birkin bags is futile. It doesn mean I can have friends who like Birkin bags. In fact, I do. It just means that I not going to share their passion.
However, people who share my passion for dogs, CrossFit, dogs, current events, dogs, scuba diving, dogs, skiing, dogs, fly fishing and did I mention dogs? these are people I should seek out. I should create relationships and memories with these people when I am healthy so that when God forbid I slide into another depression, these people won annoy me. These are the people who will want to give me back my passion.
For healthy people, this probably sounds like a no brainer. But if you are a people pleasing, co dependent, alcoholic, perfectionist like me, this is a revolutionary way to live. Living up to your own standards, rather than the standards of someone else, is a mind blowing concept.
Which brings me to Marceline. I can say Marceline and I are BFFs. We never hang out or talk on the phone. Actually, I don even have her phone number. But Marceline and I share the same passion exercise and motherhood.
Everyday she posts on her Facebook page somet adidas flux hing that makes me smile. I respond. She responds and so it goes. She is perpetually positive but not in a Hallmark moment kind of way. I saw her today and she was And that made me happy. I have other friends acq adidas flux uaintances like Marceline. Pete. Lewis. Charlie. Jeff. Whitney. Adam. Dog (my dog). These are peo adidas flux ple with whom I do fun stuff. I like them. Being around them makes me happy.
They would not annoy me if I am ever again in a depression. I have a feeling I would still want to be around them. More important, they would want to be around me.